Sunday, May 1, 2011

the colour green

Have I mentioned how much I love the colour green?
When asked what my favourite colour is I never reply "green" since my favourite colour is actually blue. But still, I love green.
I think I forget that, though. Because saying "I like green" is so flat. It doesn't convey the vitality of green that I love, the spectrum of shades that emblazon nature.
I love the profusion of green from trees in our backyard;
they almost blot out everything else.
I love the bucolic green of fields or freshly-mown lawns
stretching out like neatly-made beds.
I love the darker green of forests when we're driving down the road whose density seems to drench the air in green so it almost feels like being submerged in an ocean.
And I love the light, almost aquatic green of his eyes whose hue I cannot find in nature...
The list goes on.

{This picture is crummy but it kind of shows the effect of the green density I was talking about above. I am reading Tender Is the Night and Fitzgerald mentions the trees making a "green twilight". I could only sit there and mentally curse F. Scott for being able to casually put into words what I had found ineffable. I suppose that's why he's legendary and I'm not. ;)}

Speaking of green, one of my absolute most favourite albums is Colour Green by Sibylle Baier and this time last year I was listening to it a lot.
Colour Green is an album of understated beauty and it's one of those albums I know like the back of my hand. (Aren't those the best?) Also, it has an interesting story behind it which, in a nutshell, is this: armed with her guitar and a renewal of a sense of life's beauty after a period of depression, Sibylle Baier wrote and recorded the songs on Colour Green secretly in the early 70's. Years later, thanks to her son and Orange Twin records, people all around the world can enjoy the quiet beauty of her album. {You can read a longer post I wrote last year about it on my music blog, if you want.}

Not only do I love Sibylle's music, but a picture of her had a very important impact on me...

{I love this picture. I love how her face is out-of-focus but you can still see how beautiful she is. I love how you can see in the mirror what would normally be hidden. I just love it.}

In this instance, a picture is worth much more than a thousand words. For once, when looking at this photo, I found myself wondering who the person you could see taking the picture was. All the sudden, I found myself giving birth to a story. I decided the person holding the camera was, indeed, a man and the story I was writing became his memoir, of sorts. A memoir full of memories of the girl he loved (who I based on Sibylle).
I also drew a little bit of inspiration from her lyrics. Especially from the first song on the album, 'Tonight'. I knew he was the man she mentions in the lyrics, who she dedicates her song to.

{You can listen to the song, 'Tonight', if you'd like! Though, the first time I heard her music I thought I didn't like it, heh.}

I've been writing this story/book/novel/whatever it is on and off for about a year and a half now. There have been times I've set it aside, sadly frustrated at my incompetence. Even now I think it is no good, really and rather boring. Not to mention way past my youthful knowledge. I'm writing about subjects that are so difficult to pinpoint: depression, the sanctity of marriage, what it means to love someone... And, to top it off, it's narrated by a man! I'm not sure I'm sufficiently able to get into a man's brain! (Which sounds... really strange. :P)
Since most of the story is handwritten or typed on my typewriter, the narrative will break off every now and then to the anguished author (moi) typing or writing things like "OH, THIS STORY WILL NEVER BE ANY GOOD." With notes under that saying things such as, "Ignore the author, please. She is crazed." (As you can see, writing with me is a rather schizophrenic affair!)
But even as I am wracked with insecurities, I have, for the most part, greatly enjoyed writing this story. It is nowhere near being done but originally it was just supposed to be a short story!
I know nothing will probably ever come of it. But I've loved telling their story and I guess that's all that matters. :)

Alright, I don't even know why I am rambling on about all this. Terribly sorry if it's not very interesting. I almost considered not posting this but I spent too much time on it for that. *deep sigh* (Pardon, I'm feeling kind of frustrated today and unable to cope with/accomplish anything. On a happier note though, I vanquished Mt. Chaos yesterday!)


  1. "I could only sit there and mentally curse F. Scott for being able to casually put into words what I had found ineffable." Story of my life - the man was, is, always will be a genius.

    Perhaps try completing your story in this year's NaNoWriMo? It was a great way of finishing my story that I'd had in my head for 2 years :) of course it's not till November, so you've got plenty of time yet! xx

  2. Sometimes, Melee, i read your writings without anything to say. i'm completely blown away with how beautifully you write. like right now, i'm speechless.

    yeah. and it's because of the color green.

    p.s. i hope you'll finish the book. :)

  3. holly and the wolves: So true. I have recently just discovered that fact.

    I thought of doing that! Perhaps if I don't want to wait I could have an unofficial NaNoWriMo this summer. True, it's easier to motivate oneself if it's official but we'll see. :)

    haze: Oh goodness, dearheart - you are so kind! Thank you so much! <3

    Thanks, I hope so too. :)

  4. You are such a dear. I love this all. Green is indeed a lovely color! In another life I would want green eyes. (Mine are brown.) Isn't it weird the way we get novel ideas? Weird and wonderful! I hope you finish it. It sounds interesting. And your asides make me laugh. You should leave them in the finished version!

  5. I always struggle with my writing for the exact same reasons, I try not to listen to the nagging voice in my head that says it's rubbish, but it is hard to ignore it. BUT our own opinion about our writing is never the best one :)

    ps. the flower in my picture indeed was a crocus, forgive me that it took so long to reply
    (oh and I love green too, although everything in my room is blue, I am never sure what my favourite colour is)

  6. Melee, Green is my favorite color! Might have something to do with my name, but who knows.
    I can sympathize with feeling doubtful about your writing project. We can all be really critical of our own work.
    Keep writing-- your words are incredibly inspiring & beautiful. I look forward to reading your posts. :)
    (p.s. I love that you write side notes between yourself and the character!)

  7. That sounds like a wonderful story. Perhaps something will come of it yet! I really admire how open you are in your posts.

  8. P.S.S. I totally forgot that I used to love the album, Colour Green by Sibylle Baier. I just turned it on, thanks to your post. Still love it! :)

  9. Jenica: Aww, thank you. I think you are a dear. <3
    My eyes are brown too and I've always longed for another colour. I'm hoping for a husband with green eyes because my mother has green eyes and therefore my children could have a chance to escape boring brown!
    Weird and wonderful, indeed! Haha, maybe I could have a special version with all my asides left in! It could be called the "Ravings of a Lunatic Edition". ;)

    E: That voice just won't shut-up, will it? I hope we can both learn to ignore it better. You are very right, we are our worst critics. :)

    Oh, I don't mind at all! I'm just happy to learn my flower-identifying skills are not entirely nonexistent. ;) Well, there are so many marvelous colours out there it's no wonder one can never be sure of one's favourite!

    Jade: Somehow that seems fitting that your favourite colour is green! Not just because of your name but, I don't know, your personality, perhaps? And love of nature. :) Thank you so much, Jade. Your encouragement means the world to me. <3
    Teehee, well, my characters do feel real sometimes! ;)
    YES! A fellow Sibylle Baier fan! I've never "met" anyone else who had even heard of her. That makes me absurdly happy. I'm glad I could remind you of how much you love Colour Green!

    minna: Thank you, dear! Perhaps something will. :) I guess I am rather open on my blog, haha! It's the only place I am, really. I guess that means I hold my readers in very high esteem. <3

  10. I loved this :)
    That is all, I just loved it.
    It needs no more words.

    Well done on tidying missy, hope you feel refreshed.

    I love blue. Blue of the sea, of the sky, of his eyes. Wide open spaces where I can loose myself in the beauty that surrounds me. The hope in a patch of blue sky, willing the clouds to go away; the joy in his eyes that vanished without warning. The changing blues of the ocean as it playfully dances for the birds; the stormy skies and and deep nights you think will never end. I love the colour blue.


  11. Just keep writing! Green can be lovely, and I like blue too.

    / Avy

  12. Heather: Thank you so much, sweetheart!

    Oh, yes - I do feel so refreshed!

    Now that was absolutely lovely! I love blue too. And I've always been so mesmerized by blue eyes... *dreamy sigh*

    AVY: I don't think I could stop if I tried! :)

  13. Are those trees? REAL TREES? Haha. Oh man, they look so beautiful. 'Cause, you know, I always tend to repeat how Florida has no trees. We have tree-ish things. And the green is burnt away by the sun.

    So you're working on a typewriter? That's friggin' awesome! I'm spelling is so bad that I wouldn't be able to write that way - I'd see a typo in the line above and freak out, haha. I want my laptop keyboard to sound like a typewriter. Maybe I'll follow through with that one day and see if I can do that. Some program or something.

    Oh, I love hearing about writing. That's so cool that you're writing from a man's perspective. You shouldn't worry too much about hoe manly you're coming off - just figure out what type of guy your main character is. He can be sensitive enough to talk about those topics in the way you want. You just need to start off your novel by giving us a good idea of who he is. And then we'll believe him :)

    It sounds like a lot of fun. Keep plugging along. Don't stop. When you finally finish your first draft, you'll feel so happy. And then, you know, revision is actually quite fun when you at it optimistically.

  14. Hahaha, yep! That's my lovely, wooded backyard. I think I would die without trees all around. That's one reason I don't think I could ever move to FL...

    I love my typewriter, but oh my gosh, I make so many mistakes on it! For some reason it's easier for me to hit the wrong key on the typewriter so a lto of it l ooks lke thsi...
    Well, maybe not quite that bad. And that's only when I'm typing fast. Haha!
    That would be so cool to have a laptop keyboard that sounds like a typewriter! Someone needs to invent that if they haven't already.

    Thank you very, very much for your encouragement and two cent's worth! I appreciate it a lot, I really do!

    P.S. - I loved opening my email last night and seeing the backlog of comments from you and then reading them all. It made my night. :)


Silhouettes of a secret. A story told over a cuppa. Or perhaps just sitting on that stone bench, basking in the moonlight... and not saying anything at all.

("I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks." -Shakespeare, Twelfth Night)