Thursday, March 24, 2011

White Petals

As I left today
I noted the petals that had
fallen on the path
white and unblemished

It felt symbolic and
I knew what those white petals
stood for

Not hope; not purity;
not loving eternally
But goodbye
The petals told me to say
g o o d b y e
To say, jamais...

Though my tread was heavy above them
the raindrop petals gently
clung to my thoughts
and puddled at the bottom of my heart

Oh, how soft they are!
Oh, how they make me ache.
They've put such sorrow in me
(I know they are right)

With reluctance
and a nuance of inevitability,
I murmur goodbye
Not aloud, but every inch of me feels it
like a bruise forming

Only, the white petals swish around
in my brain, satisfied
But their blankness
can't blot out the picture of you
that I hold, and surely will
pour toujours
Their influence could never be so strong
as to erase completely

(No, I don't think anything could make me forget now.)

{This was inspired by something that happened today. I wrote it sitting on my bed, a gossamer sadness woven between my fingers. I cannot elaborate on what it is all about. It's ridiculous, it really is. And it's nothing very serious. Or at least, that's what I keep telling myself.
Actually, these past couple weeks I've been rather happy. But there are moments, sometimes days of sadness. And since I always write when I'm feeling low I probably appear to be constantly depressed. I'm not, don't worry. :)
In other news, I made a
formspring because, well, I felt like it. So, go ask me anything you like, safely cloaked in the anonymity of the internet. :P}

{Picture found here.}

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

my dreams

These days I've been waking up with my dreams still tangled in my hair. Every morning I painstakingly comb them out of my curls; being careful not to shatter them for my dreams are brittle things {like dried flowers, tiny bird's nests, and glass tears}.

Once untangled, I slip most of the dreams into my abandoned doll's tea set for safekeeping. I know they will be protected in the small sugar bowl and teapot that once held my girlhood fancies.

But the most cherished dreams I do not store away as I should. Instead, I tuck them in the hollow at the base of my neck.

The forgotten dent we all havethat almost seems like a thumbprint left by some greater being.

Throughout my days, touching the dreams that nestle there brings me content.
Sometimes I give in and let them consume me - they are the only sweetness in my bland days.
It is dangerous, I know. These dreams belong to the night where sunlight can't cause them to fade away.
But as long as I keep a dusting of moonlight in my soul surely they will not perish.
{And perhaps they, in turn, will keep me from perishing as well.}

(Postscript: The words have returned as I knew they would. But they have brought luggage with them... Ah yes - hello insecurities. Why, oh why must you travel with my inspiration? It seems I can't have my words back without you grabbing my ankle with your cold little hands.
So, the good news is - I am writing again! The bad news is - nothing I write sounds very good to me. *sigh* It's a vicious cycle.)

{Pictures found here and here.}

Monday, March 7, 2011

Thoughts of Spring!

I am going through a barren spell, at the moment. I didn't even notice till the other day I realized I have been writing next to nothing. It's alright, though. I know the words will come back. With a vengeance, undoubtedly, in copious, overwhelming amounts. I have been writing in my journal, though. I thought I'd post this journal entry I wrote last week. It was written on a day that felt like spring. My mother had opened all the windows and I sat on the floor in front of mine and wrote this entry. (It was penned over a period of 20 minutes or so with quite a few pauses in between to revel in the inspiring atmosphere. So, it is a little choppy. Especially since I copied it verbatim from my journal... with a few punctuation and spelling corrections, of course. :P)

{My window! Taken from my seated position on the floor.}

Feb. 28, 2011

I love Spring. I can see why people (stereotypically?) fall in love during springtime. There is something in the air that is most inspiring. An intoxicating scent that makes one feel like doing foolish or impossible things.
Just after I wrote that I impetuously decided to put on a skirt I have worn only once before when I was home alone. It is what I call a "regrettable shade of pink". It is also a rather shocking shade. But there is Spring in the air and I don't care.
I am sitting in front of my window which is open. I was reading "I Capture the Castle" but was captured myself by the bewitching breeze.
It is only 2:09 but it feels hours later. I don't know what the sun is doing but its presence is somewhat lacking.
Bright, sunny days are shallow things, anyway.
The breeze, that temptress, just caressed my cheek & whispered thoughts of rain in my ears.
I have just leaned up against the windowsill to get closer to the intoxicating air. I can hear sounds like raindrops hitting the pavement but I do not see any... Perhaps it is the leftover autumn leaves playing with the breeze.
I wish I could stick my hand out the window but I cannot. Darn window screens!
Ah! It is raining! I couldn't tell by looking at the street or our driveway but I can tell from our neighbour's driveway.
The rain song & scent have become very noticeable now. Though I still cannot see the rain. I can see the effects of it, though. The workmen across the street have stopped working & I just saw someone with an umbrella.
I still want to feel it, though.

My mind is made up:
I'm going outside!
Love, ineffable me

{A corner of my journal and my "regrettable pink" skirt.}

In case you were wondering, I did indeed go outside! I stood on the back porch for a minute or two and got speckled by the raindrops.
Ah, I am remembering how much I love spring. Especially since it feels like winter again here. :(
I cannot decide which I love more, spring or autumn. I seem to love each one most while it is happening. How quixotic of me! Or perhaps I am just forgetful. ;)

What is your favourite season?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

An award!

I have been given "The Versatile Blogger" award. Ain't it purty? :)

The Conditions:
1. Thank the person who loved you enough to bestow this gift.
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Bestow this honor onto 10 newly discovered or followed bloggers– in no particular order– who are fantastic in some way.
4. Drop by and let your ten new friends know you admire them

I already have thanked her but I will say it again: thank you my darling haze! You are one of the most loving people I know. Your big heart makes me smile. :)

Et maintenant, les sept faits!

1. About two years ago I vowed to never wear socks that match again. Since then I always wear mismatched socks. Always.

2. I have an abhorrence of things that are popular. Even just mildly popular. I get a strange enjoyment out of loving things (books, movies, songs/singers) that no one has ever heard of. Or at least things that no one I know in real life have heard of. On the blogging world I don't care as much, if at all.

3. I have a penchant for sad songs. Sure, love songs and happy songs are wonderful... but nothing satisfies me quite like a song with plaintive vocals and heartbreaking/melancholic lyrics.

4. I have been homeschooled my whole life. Actually, I'm rather shocked that I didn't turn out cripplingly unsocial.

5. Nothing terrifies me quite like deep sea life does. The unfathomable depths of the ocean gives me the creeps as do the creatures that live in them. I especially hate octopuses. And whales. When I was around 5 or so I tore out the picture of "Jonah and the Whale" in an illustrated Bible we had. Hahaha.

6. I don't seriously believe in reincarnation... but I like to think I was a 1920's lounge singer in another life. ;)

7. I've been a Francophile since the age of five at least. (Thanks to Ludwig Bemelmans' Madeline books. Madeline was my childhood heroine and caused me to love all things French.)

And for once, I am actually passing this on instead of copping-out! Though I really do hate picking and choosing people to pass this on to cause, in my opinion, everyone deserves an award. But, choose I did. The rules said to pick 10 newly discovered bloggers but I ignored that. And funnily enough, though this is a "versatility award" the rules didn't tell me to necessarily pick versatile bloggers. That's seems a little odd to me... but I guess they just realize how uncommonly versatile everyone is here on the blogging world, hehe. :)

The lovely blogs I am passing this award onto:
~Blush of Dawn~
~I Wear Milk Crowns~
~Screaming Swans~
~Lost Things~
~Shades of Green and Grey.~
~all that is gold~
~she would have liked wings~

You all don't have to do it if you don't want to. (Sorry. I just can't help but say that. Ignore me, please.)

I hope everyone has a satisfactory weekend! Mine looks like it's going to be semi-busy. Booo! (I don't deal well with having a social life. :P)