can you hear me?
you've fallen asleep and let everything topple around you.
you don't care.
locks are rusted; the key is buried deep in your heart and you won't wake-up ever again.
i need you to care, i need you.
the piles of regret on the floor are knee-deep. everywhere i go i'm wading through heartache and nostalgia that stain my feet with blood.
i sharpen these words and run their blade down your body. i leave red footprints in your snow white skin. but you don't feel anything except the sleep.
the sheets are stained with your tears that i cry for you.
i want to love you again as i once loved you when we were the same person.
you were a part of me,
now you are apart from me.
come back. wake-up.
(please! don't leave me alone.
i am fading away now that you don't care.)
I need to clean my room. In short, it looks like a filing cabinet sneezed all over my floor. It also looks like my chest of drawers vomited....
I told my brother my messy room was symbolic of my life. It was a joke and it was the truth. So, yes. life has been messy and full of large doses of apathy and a sadness I can't quite shake. But, I really have been feeling better. The words above were written in memory of how I used to feel in the not-so-distant past. Waking-up has been an excruciating, slow process. The arrival of warmer weather has helped, though. It's as if Spring has helped thaw my heart. (Rather cheesy, non?)
I'm heading into a busy weekend and week. We are moving my grandparents into their new home tomorrow. I also have all-day rehearsal for Alice in Wonderland which I'll have to miss part of. (I don't really mind, though.) Next weekend is the play so I am heading into production week. (If I'm not around much, that's why.) I feel so weary and unprepared. But you know what? It's okay. God is good. And as much I seem to have trouble remembering that, at the end of the day that's all that matters, really.
And after life calms down, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to clean my room.