Sunday, April 3, 2011

The Three Ugly Princesses

My blogger is still having the formatting problems. I googled my problem and found out I'm not the only one. It is apparently a problem with my browser (Internet Explorer) so if the problem is not fixed soon I suppose I shall try Firefox... (Oh the joys of internet, non?) But! I found out if I type the whole post in the HTML section and post without previewing or going into the compose section, my spaces and breaks will stay. I am crossing my fingers!
So, today I am posting a short story (the one I tried to post yesterday) that I wrote about four years ago. I think I was 13, almost 14. Apologies for any bad grammar/choppy writing/erroneous punctuation... (Though I did make a few corrections.)
Okay, here is my story which is called, "The Three Ugly Princesses".


Once upon a time there was a king and a queen who lived happily and ruled fairly well. One day the Queen gave birth to a daughter. They were extremely happy until they realized that she was quite ordinary looking. In fact, she was ugly! The King and Queen were shocked. “Princesses are supposed to be extremely beautiful!” the King exclaimed, “What has gone wrong?”
So they called for their wisest man. When he arrived, they showed him the princess. “Tut, tut, what an ugly baby!” the wise man observed. The King and Queen were rather annoyed at this remark for they already knew that.
”We know!” the Queen cried, “We were hoping you could help!”
”Tut, Tut,” sniffed the wise man “There is nothing I can do!”
The Queen became very distressed at this and the wise man, who hated it when women cried, said, “Come, Come, I know what I shall do! I shall ask the author of the story why she made the princess... er... unattractive.”
So he was sent off to talk to the author. The next day he returned.
“Well??? What did she say?” the Queen asked eagerly.
“The Author said that she made her ugly on purpose and she plans to give you two more daughter, each uglier than the last.”
“WHAT?!?!” the King shouted, “This is an outrage!!! What evil purpose does she have in mind???”
“Ah well, she said something about finding out the true character of Prince Charmings and heroic figures... or something.” replied the wise man.
The Queen almost fainted, “What a terrible thing! What a wicked person! What a heartless creature! And I hate the number three! And yet I have to have three ugly daughters! Surely you told her that three is a hated number of mine!”
“Yes... I mentioned that and she said it was one of her favourite numbers and she also said that you should... um... er... *cough*...” stammered the wise man
“That I should what?” the Queen demanded. “What did she say??”
“Um... well... she said that you should stop being an asinine, silly goose and accept life as it comes.” The wise man said nervously. The Queen said nothing; she had fainted.
“What kind of author is this??” roared the King. “I want her head cut off at once!”
“I am afraid that is not possible,” the wise man timidly said, “because the author is controlling the events.”
“Oh...” the King felt very deflated, finally accepting the fact that there was nothing he could do. After the Queen recovered they named their baby Alaina Nicolette Henrietta Ivana Sophia Cassandra Joy. They tried to make up for her ugly face with a lot of pretty names stuck together. But a lot of pretty names stuck together aren’t pretty, they are just tiresome.
Three years later they were blessed (“Cursed is more like it.” muttered the King) with another baby girl. This one was even uglier than Alaina. She was named Lorraine Emerald Giselle Sara Rosemary Gloria Miranda.
Then three more years later, the last, and ugliest, princess was born. The King and Queen were now sick of all the long names, so the last princess was simply named Sylvia.
Many years passed and Alaina turned 20. (Lorraine was 17 and Sylvia, 14.) The thought of marriage was beginning to enter their parent’s minds. They were thinking of how to pull it off when the Queen had an idea: “A Prince Charming! That’s what we need! A Prince Charming to marry Alaina!” The King was delighted at this.
“Of course! I’ll call the Prince Charming hotline and see what they have!” So call he did and he scheduled a Prince Charming to come within the week.
A few days later he arrived. Pompously he strode into the hall where the King and his family were gathered.
“So,” he said. Where is the princess I must charm and marry?”
The wise man presented Alaina.
“Gadzooks!” the Prince shouted, “that can’t be a Princess! Princesses are supposed to be beautiful! I will NOT charm her and I most certainly will NOT marry her.”
The wise man tried to cajole him; “But Prince! Looks are not everything! Alaina’s very good at... taking care of children... and um... well...” He was at a loss for words because she couldn’t do much else.
But the prince was adamant. “Children are not important! Princesses are supposed to sit and be pretty!” The Prince Charming would not be cajoled and he marched out in a huff. I hear that he went and married some girl without much character... I don’t quite remember her name, but it started with a ‘C’.
The Queen was miffed and consequently she never used the Prince Charming hotline again. But Alaina did marry. It was an arranged marriage to an older duke whose wife had died, leaving him with five young children. Though arranged marriages never seem ideal, she was happy enough.

Three years passed and Lorraine reached her 20th year. She loved to read; that was what she did most of the time. The Queen was beginning to wonder who they were going to induce to marry Lorraine.
The Queen thought her problem was solved when one day as she, the King, Lorraine and Sylvia were sitting down to dinner, heard a knock at the door. Upon the opening of the door a frog hopped into the room.
“Good afternoon, royal highnesses!” the frog said politely. “I have a favour to ask. I am not really a frog but a prince under a spell. I was wondering if you had a princess who could kiss me and turn me back to a Prince and then I could marry her.” The King then eagerly presented Lorraine.
The effect on the frog prince was disastrous. “For the love of mud!! Princesses are supposed to be extremely gorgeous! I’m going back to the pond!” And with that the frog Prince bounded off and eventually he did convince a Princess to kiss him. I hear he didn’t make a very good husband, though, because he had picked up a few nasty habits from being a frog. (At least they never had a problem with flies in the house.)
“Hmph... I’m sure he would not have been suitable anyways.” sniffed the Queen.
But Lorraine was married soon enough. To an old crusty billionaire who was looking for a wife to use as a secretary.

More years went by. The Queen was beginning to look at Sylvia with scheming thoughts in mind. Sylvia hardly noticed because most of the time she was in the forest climbing trees or wading in creeks. That was where she was happiest.
As she was walking in the forest one day she walked by a gnarled old tree. It looked, she thought, rather like a dragon. As she was looking at it, a knight in shining white armour appeared out of nowhere on his horse. With the cry of, “Don’t worry fair maiden! I will save you!”, he whacked at the tree with his sword until there was nothing left. Sylvia had been rather shocked at first but as she thought about how ridiculous it was she burst out laughing. The knight got off his horse and put up his visor expecting to see a beautiful maiden to go with the beautiful laughter (though he was not quite sure why she was laughing).
“Odds, Bodkins!” the knight yelped. “Surely you cannot be a maiden in distress!”
“Actually I’m a princess - though I’m not in distress!” and at that she burst into more laughter at the stupefied look on his face.
“But... but... princesses aren’t ugly!” he blurted.
Sylvia controlled herself long enough to answer; “Well, this one is. But I don’t want to marry you. I wouldn’t for the whole forest!” And still laughing she walked away. The knight stared after her a while, gaping, then got back on his horse to go rescue a poor witless maiden who had got her finger stuck in an oven door.
Sylvia then went to her mother and father to inform them that she was not going to marry and that she was sick of being a princess so she was going to live in the forest. And before her mother could faint or her father could call the wise man, she left and didn’t return.

In the years that followed, everyone generally lived contentedly ever after. Alaina had ten children in all. Lorraine's husband died, leaving her lots of money and lots of books. And Sylvia lived happily in the forest. The Queen decided to stay in bed all the time because of her nerves and the King continued to rule fairly well. The wise man was fired for never giving good advice, so he fulfilled his life-long dream and became an apple grower.
Though everyone was very happy, I’d have to say Sylvia was the happiest of all because she got what she wanted most in the world: Freedom.

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  1. Oh! I love this story, how very imaginitive for being only thirteen! I love how "the author" is a part of the whole thing. I feel like this is the type of story I would have obsessed over as a young girl!

    xx and hugs


  2. aww! i love fairy tales, though i'm pretty convinced that this one isn't a love story :)
    honestly darling, you should write a book... i love it...♥

  3. Melee, This is an amazingly good story, so imaginative & funny, and you wrote it at such a young age, too.
    Fiction can be really difficult to write, but you make it appear effortless... so well done! *Claps*

  4. This is full of wit and hilarity! Heh, the Prince Charming hotline. Gadzooks! Also, isn't it fun to be an evil author and control people's lives. I interviewed a character once and he accused me of being a dictator, which is quite true.

  5. Jhordyn Ashley: Thank you very much! I am delighted you liked it. I've always been fond of "breaking the fourth wall" as they say. :)

    haze: It is a rather unconventional fairy tale, hehe. I've been a hopeless UNromantic for most of my life but I'm getting a little better, though.
    Thank you - I certainly hope to someday successfully write a book. :)

    Jade: Awww, thank you ever so much! <3 Sometimes I think my imagination is not as finely tuned as it once was.

    Jenica: Hehe, thank you! Hahaha, so true. We are dictators rather. I like to think we are the best sort of dictators, though! =D

  6. haha... in time, darling, you'll meet someone who will make you fall in love and maybe open the "romantic" side of you :) hehehe. ANYWAYS! romantic or not, i still love you and your writings.... always, always, always ♥

  7. Ah, blogger problems! I swear, they don't have enough people to solve these issues. On my blog, I can't see my list of followers. This is a common problem too, and yet no one is doing anything about it, haha. So stressful.

    This story's princesses reminded me of a fairy tale version of Diana's group of virgin women, swearing off men and running around the forest doing... well, I don't know what. But who'd want to marry those princes, anyway? All three were pretty rotten!

    I love the humor in your story, and major points for using the word "Gadzooks!" That's just awesome!

  8. Oh, my word. If only I could have written such entertaining, intelligent and unique stories at thirteen! Bravo, dear. (Ps, in response to an old comment you left on my blog... I had no idea you were graduating this year too. What subject are you studying, if I may ask?) x

  9. haze: I am not sure whether to anticipate that or fear it, haha! Thank you, dear! You are so sweet! <3

    CloudyKim: That's annoying! Hmm... I wonder if they're hiring? (Not that I'm any good at fixing technological problems!)

    Haha, I don't think I'm familiar with that tale! Sounds fun though. ;)

    Thank you! :) Hehe, I really need to start using that word on a regular basis...

    Thea: Oh, thank you so much! Your comment gave me such a smile!
    Til then, I hadn't known you were graduating either! (I always assume everyone is so much older than me. I feel so young, yet I must be old since I am graduating...!) Acually, at
    this time, I am not "furthering my education". It's a little frightening since I have no idea where I'm going in life, but everyone important to me (well, almost everyone...) has been very supportive. So, yeah! We'll see. :) But what are you going to be studying? (Assuming you are going to college... or university, rather.) :)

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  11. Oh, there's been a mistake. You see, when I said "graduate", I meant, "graduate from university". So I guess I am older than you after all. It's funny because I did always think you were younger than me. I am studying Creative Writing. I asked what subject you were studying because I thought you were graduating from university, too! x

  12. Ohhh! Okay. It's kind of confusing since we use the same term for both high school and college (here, at least). So, yes, I am only 17 (almost 18). Creative Writing is an excellent thing to study! If I had a choice, that's what I would choose. :)


Silhouettes of a secret. A story told over a cuppa. Or perhaps just sitting on that stone bench, basking in the moonlight... and not saying anything at all.

("I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks." -Shakespeare, Twelfth Night)