Monday, January 24, 2011

The Stranger?

One day you'll find me dead:
Drowned in an ocean of ink or
Buried under an avalanche of paper.

Then those closest to me will clean out my room and find my secrets
scattered across the floor.

By the book shelf, my fears about becoming frozen and devoid of emotion.
In front of my bedside table, an acknowledgement of how much I cared.
Beside the rocking chair my honest thoughts and views about love.
At the foot of my bed, declarations of love to...?
And at the other end of my bed,
the journals where I recorded many of my darkest moments.
They are confessions of my worst feelings and failures,
Disconsolate prayers to God,
A true look at how far into the depths of despair I have plunged.

And those who loved me most will sit on my floor surrounded by the papers covered in my handwriting and wonder,
"Did we know her? Did we really know her at all?"
I am afraid no one knows me.
I am merely a stranger to them... and to myself.

Well, we all have a face / That we hide away forever / And we take them out and show ourselves / When everyone has gone / Some are satin some are steel / Some are silk and some are leather / They're the faces of the stranger / But we love to try them on
'The Stranger' lyrics by Billy Joel (from the album I'm holding in the picture)

Sorry for the somewhat morbid post. The first stanza was inspired by my messy room which always seems to have piles of paper littered everywhere... but then I started thinking what would I happen if someone read all these papers? I realized how startled they would be by the many secrets and hidden thoughts I hold that I've never even given hint of. So, it went downhill from then on. Also, these past few days I have been worried about myself. I've been feeling things, doing things, thinking things that I just don't want to believe is who I am. But I just don't know...

On a happier note, my friend Ever has started a blog called Intractable Whispers. It is a blog to better connect the lovely people of this blogging world. She has asked me to extend the invitation for you all to join. It is a place to share your writings and things that inspire you. If you would like to join go here. I would greatly encourage you to do so, even if you don't know Ever. It would be simply lovely if you did, but no pressure at all. :)


  1. Melee, this is an incredible piece of writing! It really drew me in from the beginning. I can sense a mix of the fear of and interest in others truly knowing our secret selves. In everyday conversations, the most important things are often left out. Rhetorical how are you's, etc.

    P.S. I'm happy I could inspire you to take a little break from electronics! It feels great, even if only for a short time.

  2. I used to have dark secrets littered all over the place too, and nobody noticed them because they never thought that such secrets could belong to me. In my mind, in my thoughts, I had become such a different person to who everyone thought I was. I can completely relate to this post. Ps. I am heading over to have a look around Intractable Whispers right now. It's always exciting when new blogs are created. x

  3. It's not too morbid, Melee. I really liked it. I often think about my family reading my writing if I were to die...It's interesting, and a bit scary too! And you described it so eloquently.
    I wouldn't worry too much about acting/feeling strange. I cast a prayer for you, but after all, we're at that silly age where everything is out of order. Keep working to be who you want to be, and you will become (or remain) that person.
    p.s. Really nice picture! Very artistic.

  4. oh my dear Melee, i have goosebumps all over my body... you made my tears fall down for reasons i cannot yet utter. i'll write a post about it sometime. Oh my dear Melee, you have no idea how much sadness wrapped my soul by your words...

    This is really beautiful. :')

  5. Jade: Oh, thank you so much! <3
    You are right. I have often wondered what other people are really thinking. What would happen if everyone replied honestly to the question, "How are you?" That would be quite interesting and unsettling.

    I'm happy you could inspire me too, hehe - I had a lovely afternoon off! I took a walk with my brother and got halfway through my book!

    Thea: Thank you my, dear. I do so appreciate your comment, it means so much to me to know that others have experienced these things that I am going through. <3
    (And thank you for stopping by Intractable Whispers!)

    Jenica: Oh, Jenica, thank you. Your prayers are greatly appreciated. Indeed, we are at that age where everything is tumultuous and so befuddling. I can't wait till things start to clear up.
    Thank you for the encouragement. It really does
    mean the world to me. <3
    Glad you like the picture! I took it a few months ago and have been waiting for a chance to use it. (Which sounds kind of absurd but it's the truth!)

    haze: Oh dear! I don't know whether to be incredibly pleased that my writing could move you or concerned. I would love to hear the reasons sometime when you are able to say them.
    Thank you, dearest.

  6. Gorgeous as always, dear. I like the dark tones! Morbid is good in moderation, you've struck a perfect amount of morbidness here. Well done. xx

  7. Wonderful poem! It may be dark, but really, it's so full of feeling and wonder. Declarations of love to who, indeed? Haha. My family would find too many unfinished stories and not enough about me. I guess I should leave more nonfiction scraps around my room. It would be fun to be discovered in such a way :D

    Hang in there! We all go through bouts of weirdness. For those of us who live in our heads, it's very uncomfortable, but it will pass :)

    I'm following the blog by your friend! I haven't gotten to have a good look at it yet, but it sounds like an intriguing idea.

  8. mckenzie: Oh, thank you, Mckenzie. You're the best! :) <3

    CloudyKim: Thank you so much for your sweet, encouraging (and funny!) words! Your comments always make me smile. Hehe.

    And thank you for checking the blog out! Feel free to join as a contributor if you are so inclined. :)

  9. I too keep secrets locked away in my bedroom, I'm not sure what people would think if they found them, they don't often notice so they are safe for now. Lovely words dear.

    xx and hugs


  10. Thank you, my dear Jhordyn. I am wondering if maybe I should start hiding my secrets but nobody seems to come in my room often so for now mine too are safe. :)


Silhouettes of a secret. A story told over a cuppa. Or perhaps just sitting on that stone bench, basking in the moonlight... and not saying anything at all.

("I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks." -Shakespeare, Twelfth Night)