{The Charlie Brown Christmas tree in our foyer. ♥ }December
At first it was doubt. Feeling that there was something horribly wrong with me. Nearly having a breakdown, crying sobs that threatened to consume me. {I haven't had a cry this ravaging in so long...}
Baking my melancholy, my disappointments into batches of Christmas cookies and half-heartedly harmonizing in church to the familiar carols.
I was afraid my favourite season would finish before I could get out of my blue funk...
Then, one morning: an unforeseen coating of snow and the scent of cinnamon rolls.
{I love our back yard when it snows. The snow-covered branches turn it into a veritable winter wonderland.}
After that... somehow... December was beautiful.
~A party I was loath to attend turning out lovely in one of the most unexpected ways possible.
~Watching White Christmas for the first time with some of my very favourite people. {The weather forecast has informed us that we may experience a "white Christmas" of our own...!}
~Being swept away by the beauty of song in the annual concert of the girl's ensemble I sing in.
This was possibly one of the most wonderful things of all. Why?
Well, I love singing in the ensemble but lately I've been frustrated and unable to enjoy it because of the relatively small dissonances around me. We are undoubtedly amateurs and I could feel the discrepancies dragging me down. I couldn't appreciate the other parts around me nor the important story {of Jesus' birth} that our words were telling.
But at the concert it all seemed to come together. {It helps that we have the most amazing, loving director ever.}
So what if the girl on my left was off-key at times and singing the soprano part instead of the second soprano?
So what if the girl on my right doesn't know the meaning of the word "pianissimo"?
I was able to sing with absolute joy in my voice! With happiness tinging every note. There is something so thrilling about harmony and being a part of a choir. I'm glad I could be reminded.
Now I bake my content and my joy into Christmas cookies. I made the cookies pictured above last week. They were supposed to be gingersnaps but I did something wrong and they ended up being more like gingerbread. {We suspect I put in too much flour.} But they tasted incredible. That is one mistake I would not mind repeating.
So, yes. I am enjoying this season. Even though I am "grown-up" I still get twinges of the all-consuming, childish anticipation. This quote sum it up pretty well:
"Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart... filled it, too, with a melody that would last forever. Even though you grew up and found you could never quite bring back the magic feeling of this night, the melody would stay in your heart always - a song for all the years."
-Excerpt from Song of Years by Bess Streeter Aldrich
And with that, I just want to wish everyone the merriest of Christmases! I hope you all are having a lovely December and Christmas season?
{P.S. - I'm sorry I'm so longwinded all of the time! I try to restrain my train of thought but it goes chugging on, regardless.}
Never stop being long-winded. I always feel like something substantial and beautiful to read, and you always deliver. xx
ReplyDeleteOh, thank you! I tend to think of my writing as "prosaic" but I like "substantial" much better. :)
ReplyDeleteBut it's your blog, your train of thought. Wherever it takes you (and however long the trip) I'm glad to join. You're never boring!
ReplyDeleteI love the quote; it's a good description of how I feel. I've been thinking a lot lately about how Christmas has changed with growing up. About how I get less excited yet it's still so comforting and magical.
Oh, darling, those cookies look amazing! I'll be baking gingerbread men today.. perhaps I'll post a photograph on my blog. I do hope you're feeling better now dear, you know I'll always be here if you need to talk :) I love this season too, despite being 'grown up' - I suppose It'll never outgrow me :) Merry Christmas, dear. Have a lovely day. xxx
ReplyDeleteIt's such a relief to be able to experience joy, even when things are not exactly as we'd like them (Isn't that so often the case?). At the same time, I like how sincere you are with your feelings and don't pretend to feel something you don't. And I agree with Joanna, the cookies look great!
ReplyDeleteJenica: Thank you so much, dearest Jenica! <3 Glad you liked the quote. It's from one of my very favourite books. :)
ReplyDeleteJoanna: They tasted amazing as well! It sounds conceited since I made them, but oh well. It's the truth! :)
Oh, thank you! I am feeling much better. Though I may have to take you up on your kind offer someday. :)
I don't think I shall ever outgrow this season either. Merry Christmas to you too!
Jade: Indeed it is. Thank you very much! I do strive to be sincere in all that I say, write and do. I've just gotten so tired of pretending to feel things I don't.
They were great! I wish I could share them across the internet, haha. Maybe in the next 50 years that technology will be developed. ;)