Wednesday, December 26, 2012

stars and rivers

Hello, hello.

Along with all my other lovely presents, this year for Christmas I got a big dose of winter blues.

It's regrettable, but otherwise I had a nice Christmas. I wish I could've come back with a happy post, but I just can't as I am more blue than I've been in a while.

Speaking of blue, in my quest to buy all those albums I've always been meaning to buy, a few weeks ago I bought Blue by Joni Mitchell, which insured that my favourite Christmas song this year was her song 'River'. Not strictly a Christmas song, but it mentions that season several times so it's close enough for me. These lyrics have been the refrain circling my head (helped perhaps by the fact I've learnt the song on the piano) :

I wish I had a river / I could skate away on...

I have not been blogging lately, because I have been busy with work. Ha! I've never been able to say that before. Since the end of November, I've been working long hours. More than I've ever worked before. The work as a cleaner I mentioned last post has morphed into work as an angel of mercy. (Not in the serial killer sense. :P) This is due to the fact my dear employer has fallen and hurt her neck very badly, which I am told she does sporadically.

So along with the regular cleaning and laundry &c., I grocery shop and make food and drive Mrs. D wherever she needs to go, which usually ends in me sitting in the waiting room of some medical building.

I've had the past week off and I'm not exactly sure when I'm going back or how many hours a week I'll be working. It's great to make money, yes, but I am miserable. I enjoy it, but I also find myself hating it and wanting to just go home. I've been forced to have a lot of first-time experiences, such as grocery shopping. Did you know I was afraid of grocery shopping and had never done it by myself? Now I've done it many times. Still don't like it, but it doesn't terrify me. All this has been a good experience, but I'm tired of personal growth for now, thank you.

(The FitzOsbornes At War by Michelle Cooper)

Because I've been working, I haven't felt like writing. My days off from work I just want to laze. I am trying to be better about this. Today I sat in the midst of my family who were playing a game and I wrote. I had on my brother's noise-blocking headphones and I listened to the beautiful album Stars by Janis Ian (pictured at top) and wrote more in a certain story than I have in a while. Which was still a scarily small amount, but it's progress... right?

I'm trying to feel that I will find something in life that I am content doing, but the feeling that I don't want to be living anymore has been haunting me again.

Don't worry about me. I'll be sticking around. If only to listen to the Phineas and Ferb album my mother got my father for Christmas. (Seriously. So far I've listened to it more times than all the rest of my new music.)

I do so hope you, my dear friends, all had happy Christmases! Ta for now.


  1. I love you, Melee, and you will get through these winter blues. What a wonderful coincidence that we were both listening to Joni Mitchell's Blue album right around Christmas time. It's such a great album, one of my favorites. I'm glad to hear you found some time to write amid the work and Christmas busyness. Here's to a fulfilling 2013! <3

    1. Oh, Jade. :) I love you too. A wonderful coincidence indeed! :D I could've guessed it'd be one of your favourites. Thank you so much. I'll certainly drink to that! *raises mug of tea* <3

  2. Lovely - I pictured you sitting with your big earphones writing. It made me smile. I hope writing help drive away some of your blues, it often does for me though never completely.

    1. Hehe, that image is making me smile too, now that I'm picturing it. :) Thank you, dear. xxx

  3. Hey Melee!!! How are you doing?! N'awww im so sorry you're feeling down :( tis probably the long hours youre working, i know when i used to work full time it really wears you down and as this is your first work 'experience' it does hit you hard!

    Don't be blue for 2013 though, the world didnt end- that's something to be jolly about hehe. (though if it had have ended at 11 o'clock that morning you would have found me still drunk from the night before playing strip pictionary with my pals hehe)

    What did you do for new years?! Anything fun? If you ever want to talk i am (sometimes!) around :D although exams have hit me hard and instead of being in Budapest with my boyfriend where i planned to be i am revising anatomy and physiology of the body! Fun non? Non. xxxxxxxxxxxxx lots of love from across the globe <3 <3 xxxxxxx

    1. HEY HEY HEY. I'm doing pretty well, I think! Still a little down, but there have been several bright moments today. That is quite possible! I am certainly worn out, and I almost always have a sore muscle or two. Bleeeah.

      I am certainly chuffed to still be here. :) Strip Pictionary?! Haha. That sounds awesome. If the world had to end, I guess being drunk would have been the best way to go out. :D

      It's very sad. I did NOTHING for New Year's. I think I mostly hung out with my family and watched Children's Ward on youtube. Haha.
      Awww, I'll remember that. And ahhh! That totally sucks you're stuck studying the human body when you could be partying it up with your boyfriend in Budapest. :/ Lots of love from the other side of the glode RIGHT BACK ATCHA. <3 <3 xxxxxx

  4. Melee, you should go grocery shopping with me. It's one of my favorite things to do - so much so, that I can't see it as a chore at all. When I was a kid, it was thrilling to go with my parents because, at the check out counter, I'd be rewarded with that week's new Betty and Veronica comic (my parents so rarely bribe, but the comics were cheap and I wore them down with all my rereading).

    I don't need comics anymore - I guess what I love about it is discovering new kinds of foods on the shelves, seeing what's sold out (the stuff I buy, usually, to my frustration), and what kind of displays are up in the store. Nothing impressive, but it's fun to imagine how hundreds of soda cans can make a giant castle.

    ANYWAY, your job sounds great, but also understandably taxing. You're caring for her and I'm sure it takes a lot of out of you. Hang in there!

    Writing progress sounds good. As long as you get some writing in every once in while, it's a job well done. you might even use your job to create a new story - maybe stray into fantasy (like a story about a fun grocery store, haha).

    Glad to hear you're doing well :D

    1. Oh my goodness, what a wonderful attitude towards shopping. :O Want to come up to VA and be my official shopping buddy?! I think shopping with you would be amazing, even if you weren't so gung-ho about it. :)

      Thanks, Kim. :) My hours have started dwindling which I am glad about. (I chimerically prefer free time over money. Oops.)

      Hahaha, oh Kim! I do love you. XD

  5. My ears perked at the words "a certain story" and I clasped my hands under my chin and giggled at the very thought of one day getting my hands on that story.


    I don't giggle, don't even like that term, and my chin is much too square to look good with hands clasped beneath it, but I do look forward to reading something lengthy and dreamy and delicious one day, written by Ms. B. Melee.

    1. Oh my. *fans self* Someone looking forward to something I'm writing?! Thank you -- you've made this poor heart very happy today. (And your adjectives are scarily appropriate! Well, the story is very dreamy, at least.)

      I'm not a fan of giggling myself, haha. Though your comment very nearly drove me to it. XD

  6. How are you doing??? You havent posted in an AGE! xxxx

    1. Aww, I'm pretty well, sweet Tilly! I know! I've been planning on posting for weeks... and I think I'm finally going to do it tonight! Woot woot! xxxxxx


Silhouettes of a secret. A story told over a cuppa. Or perhaps just sitting on that stone bench, basking in the moonlight... and not saying anything at all.

("I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks." -Shakespeare, Twelfth Night)