Friday, September 7, 2012

In the Hot Summer

My summer in a picture? Well, almost. (Pictured: the '97 cast of Byker Grove; me and my stupid long, dirty hair which still hasn't been cut; a stack of books [not from the library though - but bought on vacation]; and Freddie Mercury. ♥)

My Summer in Fragments:

Long hair always crowding me. Vegetating on a couch of apathy.

(When I'm left alone, I sing; but I'm not left alone very often.)

Staying up til 2 AM doing nothing: such bleary-eyed decadence.

A vacation, most of which I want to erase from my memory.

Listening to Queen: Freddie woos me with his voice and I let myself become utterly seduced.

Byker Grove: watched alone at first, then in marathons with my brother.
(He's an amused witness my squeals and frustrations. Yes, I am crazy.)

Letters and other correspondences: my spotty communication skills becoming more threadbare by the second.

A stack of library books that eventually becomes an Everest I've lost my vim to climb.

Clean Cups; Rowan and Martin's Laugh In; getting lost in my car; Bunheads; gif-making; Fleetwood Mac; emotional breakdowns; Ant and Dec (always).

Inspiration that leads nowhere; despairing at my ineptitude; feeling empty as I chatter to those I love.

But... perhaps overall... a lazy contentment?



In our house, summer has been over for about two weeks and I can't accomplish anything. I still have no further direction for my life, so again I'm not furthering my education except by continuing my copyediting course.

I really need to write because that's the only thing I can do, but I can't concentrate. I can't discipline myself.

I'm not suffering from writer's block. What is the problem?

Oh, life is so terribly unappealing.

(I hope someday that I will be glad I was born.)


My post title came from the song 'In the Hot Summer' by Catherine Howe. It just seemed appropriate, as the first line is: "In the hot summer / I lost my way..." Not sure she meant it the way I'm applying it, but it's a lovely song, at any rate.

How was your summer? I hope it was groovy and all that. :)



    On a more serious note, you already know but lemme just repeat again that I'm having trouble with writing too. YUSH! (OMH for tumblr for ruining my vocabulary) I've stayed for several nights and I still can't write. I can only think and even then I realize I'm not happy with any of my ideas. Here's hoping we'll get cray motivation and inspiration soon enough! <3 And let's just add proper grammar to that too. XD


      Well, coming up with ideas is good! The more bad ones you go through, the quicker you will arrive at a good one. I think so anyway. Anyhow, I can only say your comment is perfect and I echo the sentiments in it whole-heartedly. (Though let's face it, motivation and inspiration we will get someday [hopefully], but I think we're too far gone for proper grammar. XD)

  2. My summer was much like yours as your describe it, Melee. Except I am slowly climbing out of the hole; my concentration improves with care. But I'm still jobless, something which makes people gape at me. I'm just not ready for it yet. Again. And life is still terribly unappealing.

    My best way to write is to pretend I am someone else: assume or allow another personality. I don't write the things I would otherwise write about but it's filler meanwhile. Blub blub blub.

    Here's what I mean about being stuck in life; even this writing project is bogged down:

    I hope for you better days, Melee.

    1. I hope you continue to shake the hold of that hole. Oh goodness, a job - that looming inevitability. o_O I'm comforted I'm not the only one who finds herself unready for that. *sigh*

      Whenever I try to be someone else, I seem to just end up being myself. These days no matter what character I try to write as, at least a hint of my own troubles and sorrows will come leaking in. I suppose that may be inevitable, though?

      Ohh, is this a writing project of yours? I guess that was kind of a silly question. I am utterly enchanted by it! :)

      And I the same for you, Della. xx

  3. Maybe there is too much pressure to write. Maybe decide not to write for a while and see what happens...I wish you well, my beautiful friend. :)

    P.S. Not being able to publish a comment because I can't get the code right makes me feel like a failure :P

    1. I almost feel that the problem is the opposite, because I haven't been putting pressure on myself to write. I've just come from a time where I've taken a break, and I'm positive I could write right now, if my mind could take it seriously. Maybe I'm not ready to write yet after all. I just don't know.

      P.S. Hehe, I know the feeling. XD But you're not a failure - never! xx

  4. P.S.S. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves with the quality of our writing. Write from your good heart, and be patient.

    This post was really well written and creative, even if you fear you're having trouble with writing. (I don't believe that writing is the only thing you can do, though it obviously means a lot to you, which is great.)

    Last, if you aren't already, spending time with God in prayer can really renew the spirit & allow you to be less critical of yourself. Only you know how much time you need, though I've found a good time for me is around 30 minutes when I wake up. You are an inspiration to me and to many; don't forget this. :)

    1. Hard on myself? Me? Surely not. ;) I will try to take those words to heart. Goodness knows patience is something I need much work on.

      Thank you so much, my precious Jade. (Hehe, I know it's not. I was being a tad bit histrionic when I wrote that sentence. XD)

      Prayer for me is hard right now, because as you know I'm struggling with my faith. So, I don't know... (Oh, goodness - surely not. :O I know you are an inspiration to me, Jade. ♥)

  5. Tough seasons for writers come and go, but I found that the best way to be free from something (that you like to erase from memory) is to write it down. In a story or not, it frees you.

    1. They do indeed. :) That's an interesting thought! I think I agree with you! Whenever I have something I want to move on from, writing about it helps me to do so. :) xx

  6. Do the things you love the most, that is always a motivation for me. And life may surprise you at any moment, just live in the now and don't force yourself to think too much about future and what next. You will find your direction, I'm sure of it <3

    ps. I'm struggling to live in the now myself, it is easier said than done :)

    1. I don't know what I love most anymore. Oh dear, how terribly angsty I sound. XD But your comment is absolutely superb. I forget that my life has turns I don't know about. I hope we can both learn to live in the now better. ♥

  7. Go go eat some ice cream!! Hehe. Perfect for a hot summer day!!
    .( ♥ ‿ ♥ ). ----> that's me admiring your hair. Come on!! Don't be too harsh, it's long & nice & i want it badly ! adore! adore! ♥ ♥ ♥

    1. Well.... if you insist. XD (Ice cream is one of my weaknesses, I've decided lately, hehe.)

      Aww, thanks sweet haze. Usually I like my hair, it's just been bothering me lately. If it were possible to give it to you, I would. ;) ♥

  8. As someone whose hair has never been worth writing home about, I hope you don't cut yours. In fact, if you're borrowing it out, I'll take a turn after Haze is finished.

    (Or you could always bundle it into a snood, you know.)

    I know too well that sluggish feeling you have. Perhaps you need to indulge in "bleary-eyed decadence" and "lazy contentment" for now and not push the motivation and self-discipline. Maybe set a small writing goal and reward yourself with Earl Grey, do your course and listen for your train.

    1. I'll start up a queue, then. :) But really, if I do cut my hair, it won't be too short. The shortest I go is shoulder-length. And it grows very quickly. :)

      (Ooh! A snood! I like that thought, though I do not have one in my possession.)

      That sounds so utterly perfect, oh! But can you tell me what to do to keep the hounds of guilt from clustering at my ankles?

  9. Ah, I see you too know my companion, Guilt. Alas, there's no shaking him, persistent knave that he is. (Sorry to switch metaphors on you, when yours was so apt.)

    I'm the pot speaking to the kettle when it comes to guilt, but here's something to ponder:

    If you- say- twisted your ankle, you wouldn't keep marathoning on it, would you? You'd take it easy for a month, or however long it needed and it wouldn't cross your mind to feel guilty. You'd move on cautiously when it was time-time, and cheer if you made it down the porch steps. And maybe rest a day, try for the mailbox, next time. Like that. See?

    Yours truly,

    Pot, Black

    1. Well, Guilt is a bit of a shapeshifter, isn't he? :)

      I... never would've thought to look at it that way. This kettle is grateful for you, the pot. I shall certainly have to ponder this way of looking at it, and see if I can't apply it. xx

  10. I love reading about you summer in snippets. It reflects some of your summer posts, but also whatever else we've missed along the way.

    Ahhhh, motivation. I think it's hard to find it sometimes, especially when bleakness settles in. I went through a childish bout of that yesterday, but I have to forgive myself since I can run like an efficient robot every day.

    I'm not sure what advice I can give. I usually feel better when I get sleep or watch / read something inspiring. Writing to music helps too. The best advice is to force yourself to write - it's painful, but I think it's the only thing that works when you're out of options. I haven't been writing as much as I've been revising lately. It's tough, but rewarding after it's all over, haha.

    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

      You're quite possibly the most productive people I know when it comes to writing. I think you have too much heart to be a robot, though. ;) Forcing myself - I think that's what I need discipline to do right now. I've been doing that a bit, so perhaps I can hone this skill even more? Listening to music while writing is a must!


Silhouettes of a secret. A story told over a cuppa. Or perhaps just sitting on that stone bench, basking in the moonlight... and not saying anything at all.

("I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks." -Shakespeare, Twelfth Night)