But...
Something happened a few days before Christmas that, while is most likely for the eventual (and even present) best, has caused much sorrow between myself and my mother.
Ever since it happened I've had trouble getting my brain to focus and get things done. I am really not sure why. Perhaps because the air is full of disrupted dust from memories that I had let settle in a dark corner a while ago.
Not to be histrionic, but I don't really want to talk about it. I don't really want to talk about anything, really.
I'm not uninspired, just terribly unsettled. So I'm writing snippets of stories, eating entirely too many sweet things, falling in love with Nina Nastasia's album, Dogs [a Christmas present from Younger Brother #1], and waiting to see what will happen next.
(The aforementioned Nina Nastasia album with a penguin puppet Younger Brother #2 gave to me since I have quite a thing for penguins. He joked that he regretted getting it for me since I was having waaay to much fun with it Christmas morning. I haven't decided what to name her yet... I know it must be a her since the rest of the penguins in my collection are boys.)
This is not much of a post, but I haven't posted for almost 3 weeks which is uncharacteristic of me. I wanted to let you know I am still here, as alive as I ever was.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. ♥
{'Dear Rose' by Nina Nastasia - the opening track of Dogs. Hmm, I'm noticing a trend of me putting music at the ends of my posts these days. What can I say? Music is good.}
:( Praying for you and hoping things work out!
ReplyDeleteI do hope things will be ok with your mother. Glad to hear you had a lovely Christmas at least. :)
ReplyDeleteEverly: Thank you, dear friend. I think everything will be okay; we've just got to finish wading through the painful remnants first.
ReplyDeleteRachel: Thank you, I think for the most part they are... though there are still quite a few tentative things. I must admit, I am so glad of that as well. :)
I've missed you! So glad to see you back.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my prayers, darling.
P.S. I'm going to check out Nina Nastasia... I know I've heard her music before, but I can't place her right now. :)
Glad you had a nice Christmas! :) I hope things get better for you the rest of the week.
ReplyDeleteJade: Aww, thank you, dearest Jade! Your comment warmed my heart. :)
ReplyDeleteOoh, yesss! She's really amazing. I've posted a song of hers on this blog before, which could be it, partially. :)
Marian: Me too, hehe. :) Thank you - I am hoping so, as well.
Hey, you're still writing--that's wonderful! Have you named the penguin yet?
ReplyDeleteI hope things get better for you. *hugs*
I hope the air will clear soon, dearest Melee. I miss you when you're absent. Here, have some kisses: xxxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteI hope that things get better, or more clear for you dearest. And I'm glad to hear that you had a lovely Christmas.
ReplyDeletexx
I really, really hope that everything is alright, Melee. But I am very glad to hear that you enjoyed your Christmas, and I wish you the happiest New Year.
ReplyDeletexxx
ps. that penguin is awesome. i think everyone needs a penguin puppet in their life!
Jenica: I am quite glad meself! Not yet, I'm still deliberating... :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, dearest soul. *hugs back*
B: I think it's getting there. It does me such good to know I'm missed; it truly does. Thank you for everything, especially the kisses. :) I am sending some your way too: xxxxxxxxx
Jhordyn: Thank you, dearest. I hope you had a lovely Christmas too! <3
P.S. A letter to you has been languishing, half-written, in my room for about a week. I'm terribly sorry I've been so remiss. I think it should get finished soon, though. :)
minna: If today is anything to go by, I think things are speeding on their way to being alright. Thank you, darling Minna - I hope you have the happiest of new years as well. <3
Isn't it? I was so surprised and delighted to get it. Yes, I couldn't agree more! :)
oh, you beautiful soul; i just want to say i understand all about Difficult Relationships with Mothers because i have such a relationship, and it is becoming so tattered i fear it may fall apart at the seams.
ReplyDeleteand i just wanted to say that i received your letter, you lovely, lovely bird, and i will reply to it on a candlelit night as suitably spontaneous as yours was...
only the margin left to write on now..(you know the rest)
xxxxxxxxxx
Oh dearest Sarah - I am truly sorry to hear that. One's relationship with one's mother is one of the most complex that exist on this earth, I think... No wonder Freud was so obsessed. (I hope these seemingly frail threads prove to be stronger than you think.)
ReplyDeleteI am glad it reached you safely. :) Ooh, a reply?! =D Yes, spontaneous is the best way, in such cases. (Hm, I fear that is strangely vague and not truly what I wanted to say, but I am not feeling entirely coherent thanks to an early morning, heh. Anyhow...)
I do love you, my kindred soul.
♥ x infinity
Happyy christmas! On a slightly unhappier note im sorry you are your mum are having problems :( !
ReplyDeleteDont be sad though sweet Melee <3 dont focus on the bad parts of your life at the present focus on the good (of which im sure there is!) and the future! What are your doing for new years?! Much virtual love <3 xxx
Thank you, dear. I think things are looking up for us. :)
ReplyDeleteSweetest Tilly, your comment cheered me up! I am trying to focus on the good things of the present and (hopefully!) future. Weeell, in the morning we're having brunch with the grandparents and I think my sister's "beau" is coming for dinner. Other than that, no plans; but it should be good. :) Aww, much virtual love to you too! <3 xoxo
I want to say that while I'm reading your post, my cousin put on my favorite perfume. The scent compliments the aura, the sad and soft tones of your words. Perfect!
ReplyDeleteI hope everything is okay now (as I am a little late with my comment - sorry). And I'm gonna give you the warmest hug. ***hugs***
Happy new year, love!
p.s. Charming penguin!
Awww, thank you - that's so lovely, haze! I wish I could smell it... hehe. :)
ReplyDeleteI think it is for the most part. Thank you, my sweet. (Be your comment late or early I don't care! I just love to hear from you.) I could feel the warmth from here! ***hugs back***
Happy new year you to you too!
p.s. Hehe, thanks. I think so too. :)
Yes, It's always sad to see the decorations disappear. My mom and I put away the Christmas tree a few days ago, grunting and yanking at the giant thing to put it back in the box. Now, more than any year, I feel like I want a smaller tree. When I have my own place, I'm going to get one of those small blue trees from Walmart, haha. I love the cotton candy colored trees - but since blue is my favorite color, I figure that's the one to settle on, haha.
ReplyDeleteI love the penguin doll! Ever since I really got into Owl City, everyone has been buying me owl things - which is really cute, but I'm starting to wonder how much owl stuff I really need! There's lots of little figurines and plushies hanging about in my room by now :D
Sounds like us! Our Christmas tree box fell apart though, so we taped the tree up in it like a giant cardboard burrito or something, haha. Next year is going to be a lot of fun. :P
ReplyDeleteOooh! A blue tree! I like that. And I can definitely see the appeal in one that's a bit smaller...
Aww, an owl collection - that's so cool! I do remember seeing a picture of one of your darling owls. Well, when you're rich and famous you can buy a big house and devote several rooms to your owl collection. =D