Monday, April 9, 2012

a letter to no one and everyone

I Apologise
For I have been distant:
a whisper at the end of the telephone line,
quaffing my bathtub gin in a lonesome fog filled room.

I've been etching letters to you on my arm--
Did you never receive them?
You must remember how I like my tea:
with two lumps of longing
and enough milk to match the clouds in my eyes.

The rumours of my life
have been greatly exaggerated, I fear;
I've not been living for 3 months, at least.
But let us not dwell on that; we should never dwell for long
(but still should take care to not envy the mayflies,
as tempting as it may be).

Constantly, I am at a loss for words,
and so many things make me sad.

My spirit may forever be broken,
but the bones of my fingers are still intact,
still able to play me heart-dirges on this untuned piano.

I am satisfied, really.
(And you may come and listen any time.)


This piece is a conglomeration of poetic license and my life lately. I think it's mainly for you, my readers. Don't worry - while I am not happy, I'm generally content.

(Huh. I just used the word 'conglomeration' without even thinking about it. Where the heck did I learn that word? It's pretty awesome, I must say. But wherever did I pick it up? Haha.)


Guess what!

My family was gone on Saturday (my sister was with her boyfriend and everyone else was playing/watching baseball), so I had the house to myself. At my mother's suggestion, I found out there is a sound recorder on my father's laptop, so I finally got some recording done!
The recorder is persnickety, though; you can stand in a different room from it and sigh and the recorder will pick it up, but it doesn't like full and loud sounds... like the piano. It records all tinny and icky, so I had to use my keyboard. On my keyboard there's setting that records the notes you play on the keyboard, so what I did was record the song and then play it back while singing to it. Kind of a pain, though it was nice to only have the possibility of messing up one thing at a time.

So, here is my version of the song 'Tea & Sympathy' by Janis Ian. *insert self-deprecation here*

The lyrics: [There's a second verse I skipped, because I didn't want to make the song too long.]

I don't want to ride the milk train anymore

I'll go to bed at nine and waken with the dawn
And lunch at half past noon and dinner prompt at five
The comfort of a few old friends long past their prime

Pass the tea and sympathy for the good old days long gone
We'll drink a toast to those who most believe in what they've won
It's a long, long time 'til morning plays wasted on the dawn
And I'll not write another line, for my true love is gone

When I have no dreams to give you anymore
I'll light a blazing fire and stand within the door
And throw my life away, "I wonder why?" they all will say
And now I lay me down to sleep, forever and a day

Pass the tea and sympathy, for the good old days are dead
Let's drink a toast to those who best survived the life they've led
It's a long, long time 'til morning, so build your fires high
Now I lay me down to sleep, forever by your side

(If the soundcloud player doesn't work for you, you can try listening to it on divshare here.)

I hope everyone had a lovely Easter. :)


  1. Beautiful song, my dear! Beautiful, especially the vocals.

    This time last year, I felt much this way---am I living? I was so depressed. Don't stay there any longer than you must. Come up again. The first steps are the hardest, at the steepest part of the pit. Once you get your grip, you'll be looking down at where you used to be.

    Let me hear from ya.


    1. Thank you so much, sweet friend. :)

      You are such an encouragement, Everly; thank you for your comment. I shall try to come up, I really shall. (Though I'm frighteningly far down.)


  2. Your voice is has such a haunting quality. Beautiful.
    I love the poem, too. Such metaphors! Very expressive. But there's no need to apologize. After all, there are more important things in life than blogging ;)
    (Although I feel like I'm in a bit of a writing slump, too, but I'm trying to work through it.)

    1. Aww, thank you so much! I’ve truly always wanted to be haunting in some way, hehe.

      Thank you - this piece actually pulled me out of my most recent writing slump. :) Oh, I know – it’s not just that I haven’t been blogging much (though it is that too), I’ve just felt really distant from everyone, and my blogging friends are the people I mind most being distant from.
      [Writing slumps are scary, cause they always feel permanent whilst they're happening. You can work through this! Goooo Jenica! RAH RAH RAH! Feel better? ;)]

  3. The lyrics are beautiful, Melee. I'm sorry, it's the farthest thing I can do now with that song since I'm deaf in my computer (but I really want to hear you sing, believe me! I'm sure your voice is beautiful too)

    And your poem, I can't describe how beautiful it is. My spirit may forever be broken,
    but the bones of my fingers are still intact,
    I think it's the most painful part in living. Feeling you are scarred inside, broken and maybe deteriorating sometimes only to find your self in the mirror looking as normal as ever! As if nothing's wrong but in reality, everything is.

    But I'm glad you said you are okay, it makes me feel so much better. I love you, Melee. Your comment in my blog and in tumblr is very much appreciated. It means a lot!


    1. Aww, I do believe you! I remember what a persnickety computer you have. :)

      My most heartfelt thanks, dear haze. Oh goodness, yeas - that is indeed terribly hard. You put that so well, also.

      I love you, sweet girl! Oh, I am glad to hear it. xxx

      *hugs back*

  4. Oh my goodness! You have the most beautiful voice. I've told you this before, but it's true! Never let your spirit be broken, dear. You can rise above anything. I hope you'll be okay. If you need anything, I'm an email away! :) xxx

    1. Thank you ever so much, Joanna! Aww, well I don't think I could ever tire of you saying that. (Hehe, that sounds slightly narcissistic of me.) ;)
      I couldn't let it break beyond repair, I know that for sure. I shall be fine; I'm just struggling with my chronic unevenness. Thank you for your sweet and bolstering words. Oh! I shall certainly remember that. :) xxx

  5. Gahhh, I can't listen to the song. I guess it's a google chrome thing. I'll have to check back and see if it'll work tomorrow (your audio files usually do work). I love the lyrics though. Makes me want some tea and friends hash out problems with :)

    "You must remember how I like my tea:
    with two lumps of longing
    and enough milk to match the clouds in my eyes."

    Favorite part. I love how you blended food with your feelings. Wow wow.

    1. The day before this blog post, I posted the audio on my tumblr, so if you go back a few pages on my tumblr you should be able to find it and listen to it if you want. Provided those audio files work, of course. :)

      Thank you so much, Kim! I have to admit, that was the part I was most proud of when it came to me, hehe. :)

  6. Melee, Melee - let's elope. It's the only way, I love you much too much! But really, keep writing and keep singing and everything and just keep being wonderful you. xxx

    1. Oh, Minna! Could we please? I think it is the only way; I happen to love you too much as well. :) Oh, I will - if only for you, my sweet Minna. You stay golden too. Thank you for everything. xxxx

  7. Oh Melee. This is so beautiful, the poem and the song. You have a very beautiful voice. I hope to hear more of it in the future. My dearest Melee, you are so talented and wonderful in every way. An endless inspiration to me. I love you. xxx

    1. My darling Lena, every fiber in my being is thankful for you and your lovely words. Thank you. Oh, how I love you too. xxx

  8. You have a beautiful voice. I love your lyrics too. I hope you're well. I'm glad you're content but I still hope your life starts to shine more.

    1. Aww, thanks ever so much, my dear! Though credit for the lyrics goes to Janis Ian, of course. :) Oh, I hope so too! For you as well, my sweet (assuming it isn't already). xx

    2. Melee, you have such a beautiful voice! I didn't know you could sing, bravoo :) xxx

    3. Ariana!!! I'm so pleased to hear from you! Aww, thanks so much, dear. xxx

  9. Oh thank you Melee :) Sorry it's taken me so long to thank you for your lovely words :)

    1. No worries, dear! You are very welcome. :)

  10. I love you I love you I love you and this is just so, so...I'd like to feel it in my veins or something, oh darling xxxx

    1. Sarah, my darling! It is the loveliest of surprises to hear from you. Oh, dearest heart - I love you, I love you, I love you. Thank you, always. xxxx

  11. "Constantly, I am at a loss for words,
    and so many things make me sad."

    I've said it before and I'll say it again. You have an astonishingly beautiful voice. Your recording was a delight for my ears. xxx

    1. Oh, B! Thank you most sincerely for your lovely, smile-inducing comment. :) (I'm terribly delighted to see you here, too!) xxx

  12. Your poem speaks to me so directly that I cower under it. It is a lovely cowering, though. So glad to have happened upon you...

    1. Oh goodness, thank you so much! I'm glad you happened upon me too, dear wanderer. :)


Silhouettes of a secret. A story told over a cuppa. Or perhaps just sitting on that stone bench, basking in the moonlight... and not saying anything at all.

("I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks." -Shakespeare, Twelfth Night)