Thursday, September 1, 2011

all the lonely people

Playing piano in a darkened room:
'Eleanor Rigby' (because I need to know
where all the lonely people belong)

I was playing
and the keys
gleamed like phantoms;
tender ghosts that glowed with solace
and sustenance

the hours and weeks before
had been full of voiceless screams,
of sighs and trembling

the ghosts and the
bittersweet darkness
of their ebony threads
were the sole thing that could
bind these tatters of mine

they filled me, stopped the disintegration
(I'm a grey colour now, but still here)

And my fingers keep on pacing,
always looking for their songs

(for this is the only way
I know how to speak.
This is the only way
I can communicate.

know me.


My emotional hurricane has calmed to a rainstorm. It's much easier to live with, but I'm tired of being anywhere from damp to soaked all the time; I just want to be dry!

On a happier note, I started a new journal yesterday! I don't know why, but I love starting a new journal (though finishing the old one is somewhat bittersweet). Through the years, especially when I was younger, I've kept various diaries... but it is only my journal(s) that I have stayed faithful to.
I kept my first journal from December 2000 to January 2009. My second journal I kept from February 2009 to, well, August 2011! (As you can see, my writing habits have greatly spiked in the last few years.)
The journal I have just started was given to me for Christmas by my brother.

I love it so much since I'm a Beatles fan of astronomical proportions and Abbey Road is one of my favourite albums. It has been lying around my room tempting me for around 8 months, so I'm excited to finally be writing in it!

Eh, it's the little things in life, isn't it?

{Both photos by me.}


  1. your words are as fresh and true as if you had plucked them out of your very soul, and i truly believe you have. you are so beautiful and sincere, never change. xxx

  2. Love! I try to keep a journal and write it in on a regular basis. But having moved it's been hard to :( I really want to start back up again!

    As always, beautiful literature. Never stop please :)

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  5. Oh, and I do hope the rainstorm stops for you; I am positive that for a lion-heart such as yourself, it will ebb down to some morning dew, which is always pretty. People in books and films seem to glorify tragedy, but I know personally that when it happens to oneself, it is far from glorious. All my love and prayers are with you, swan. I know you will surmount this, and when you get to the peak, you will find the dawn and it will make you smile (because beauty draws beauty.) xxx

  6. The poem is so very beautiful. Your words are so lovely, dear.

    It's always the little things, don't you think? How often some big amazing things happen? I'd say almost never. There wouldn't be much if it weren't for the little things.

    Oh, emotional hurricanes and rainstorms! Know them too well. It's as if our emotions are like seasonal weather - there's spring, summer, autumn and winter and our emotional seasons are very, very irregural and inconsistent and it could be that in a single day we go through all the seasons from spring to winter, like it could varie from sunny and warm to frigid snowstorm in a single day. I think we ought to cherish our emotional seasons just like we cherish the seasons themselves, although it might be a little difficult at times. I know soon enough there must be a dry season for you. Hope so.

  7. Sarah: Dearest one, thank you, thank you. Your beautiful, and most encouraging comments made both smiles and tears bubble to the surface. You are the lovely, purest snow-white dove bearing a green branch of hope. <3

    Gypsy: Just make time to write a few lines every couple days for a while and all the sudden you'll be in the habit! It's addicting, or at least I find it to be so. :)

    Thank you! That is the last thing I plan on doing. <3

    Jessica Alena: Thank you so much, dear. <3

    I agree! I'd even say, collectively, the little things are better than one or two big thing would be.

    Yes, yes! I love those thoughts! I'd never really considered it in that light before, but I agree with all you're saying 100%. If not for the varying seasons, life would stagnate. We need more than the complacency of sunny days. I do so hope for that soon!

  8. I loved the poem, all of it, and especially something about the rythm; it was divided so perfectly.
    It is, indubitably, the little things in life. I saw a magazine today (not sure which one); it was a special edition about the Beatles, and I thought of you. :) My journal is one that I made myself (with my Dad's help). It has 366 pages because I intended to write every day in 2010...well, I'm not quite halfway through it yet. Oh well.
    I will pray that your rainclouds dry. Be strong, and don't forget that there are umbrellas in this silly old world.

  9. Beautiful poem. I hope you do stay dry or at least find shelter soon.

    I laughed when I read about the journal, that's how I am. I have at least 10 right now that has less than 10 pages filled but I'd gone ahead and started another one. :)

  10. It truly is the simple things dearest, I thrive off of them. You will pull yourself up sweetling, you are brave and full of heart. I have about ten journals for the past two years or so. I get bored rather easily and need a change of direction so I will pull out a new journal and leave the other half-empty. This new journal I've started, I have a goal of keeping with it to the very end of the very last page :p Stay strong lovely <3

  11. Jenica: Thank you so much, lovely! That is gratifying to hear since it took me a couple weeks of on and off working to get it so I was satisfied with it.
    Hehe, yay! That's my goal in life: to make everyone who knows me think of me when they see something related to the Beatles! :)
    That's cool that you made it! My supposed one year diaries always took longer too. It happens!
    Thank you, sweet Jenica. Umbrellas, of course! Such a good thought. I forget about them...

    Shopgirl: Aww, thank you! Me too.

    Haha, sounds familiar! Though I've gotten pretty good at stifling my urge to start new journals. Still, when I get one with a cover I especially love it's all I can do to not instantly grab a pen and write all over its unmarred pages. :)

    Jhordyn Ashley: Thank you, sweetling. I need to hear that and try to believe it.
    Hehe, good luck! Those intoxicating, fresh-paged journals can be so tempting!
    I'm trying. <3

  12. Lovely poem with a very powerful ending.

    I love your Abbey Road journal! I tend to journal a books are usually finished within a few months, like maybe 4. My favorite journals have somewhat wide lines and are medium-sized to kind of large. I'm really picky when choosing one. Hope you're enjoying this one


  13. Thank you, sweet Jade.

    Me too! Or perhaps I already made that clear... ;) I could've guessed you'd be a fast journal-filler! I want to try and fill this one in a year, at most.
    I am enjoying it! I usually prefer spiral bound and though this one is not, it's worked fine for me so far.

  14. "I was playing
    and the keys
    gleamed like phantoms;
    tender ghosts that glowed with solace
    and sustenance"

    Wooah, so pretty. I love the ghost imagery mixed with the piano; it really makes you think about how the two, in some ways, connect.

    Ah, emotional rainstorms. Yes, I've had a bit of those myself recently. It's hard to just sit there and take it, looking glum while you hold up an umbrella you know is only there because you know better than to fold it up. *sighs* I think sleep often helps, as well as talking with good friends. I'm leaning more towards sleep myself - staying up all the time lesson-planning probably makes me crankier than normal, haha.

    The journal is very cool! Makes you really want to write in it - and that's good, considering it's sometimes hard to sit down and record all the time. I'm very impressed at your keeping up with that. I've started and stopped journals way too many times. But I love looking back at the old entries - they're so much fun to read :)

    BTW, yes, I'll write that "Dear You" letter in this month. I'm waiting for a package that will hopefully be my next post, but I think the letter will be a fun one to write.

  15. Thank you so much, Kim!

    Good friends and sleep definitely help! I've been getting time with both which has greatly helped.

    Journaling has become much more enjoyable as I've gotten older. When I was younger I felt the need to write down events and what was happening, now I just write what I'm thinking and sometimes daily specifics if I feel like it; it's loads more enjoyable. I do love reading old entries! And not-so-old ones. It's embarrassing the number of times I'll get sidetracked by them. :)

    Oh, good! No rush. :) And a post about waiting for a package sounds right up my alley!

  16. your poem is incredibly beautiful. i envy your piano-fingered talents. i have never to date been able to finish any notebook, diary or journal. i'm much better at starting-them-and-abandoning-them-halfway-through. :) x

  17. sorry, i forgot to say also, i hope hope hope the stormclouds will vanish from your skies soon. in fact, i am quite certain they will. x

  18. the poem is really beautiful.
    i hope you're feeling a lot better now, Melee :)

  19. thea: Oh, thank you very much! I have my mother to thank for not letting me quit piano as a young child. :)
    Hehe, that can be fun too! ;) I have a pile of those, as well.
    Thank you, dear. I think you are right! I do seem to be seeing a great deal more white clouds than grey at the moment. <3

    h.: Thank you, sweetest haze. <3 I think I am... Besides a tempest last night, skies are beginning to look startlingly blue!


Silhouettes of a secret. A story told over a cuppa. Or perhaps just sitting on that stone bench, basking in the moonlight... and not saying anything at all.

("I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks." -Shakespeare, Twelfth Night)