snow and sleep (or lack of both)

it had been streaming past
leaving trails on our windows
but at the graveyard
the car slowed
and i saw clearly the airy tufts of ice
suspended
like dust motes shaken from the clouds
too soft, too frail
to make any difference
on the soggy ground
(not that anything would make a difference
to the occupants of the cemetery:
the ghosts and the ersatz flowers)

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Inspired by observations from the car window, I scribbled this poem on the back of a bulletin on our way home from church. It is still snowing slightly, but it's not leaving much effect. *sigh* Besides some flurries/light snow last Sunday, we've had no other snow this season.

I hate February. I've been distracted and depressed, and, to top it all off, nights haven't been good lately.

I lie down to sleep and my mind won't shut off. It jabbers on and on and I have to lay there and listen to it.

I don't know what the problem is. Actually, I haven't been taking as many walks, which is most likely a contributing factor (Easily rectified, too!) Thankfully, I've remembered what a soporific effect the music of Trespassers William has on me. So many nights this week I've turned to their album Different Stars when I can't stand lying awake in the darkness any longer; it soothes my mind and soon sends me into the streams leading to sleep.


(Anna-Lynne's voice just breaks my heart.)


Also, a lot of you know this already, but I caved and made a tumblr. The world of tumblr still makes me feel slightly like I'm being swallowed whole, but I've loved being closer to certain friends.

Well, that's all, I think. Sorry this post is rather down in the mouth. Winter always gets me in the end.

I hope your Februaries have been more satisfactory than mine.

insanity - 3 A.M.

The absence of snow wakened me last night. The edges of the earth were folding inwards, and the trees were rattling their dry bones.

I thought I saw a stranger hunched in the corner; I thought I saw a forgotten bit of sanity scuttling across the floor.

The feeling I was lying in the wrong bed presented itself to me and then refused to leave. With infrequent breathing, I lay and listened to the sound of nothing humming somewhere in the distance.

I told you not to wake me til my eyes are blue, I mumbled at the blank, dim expanse of ceiling.

The sheets were taut over my body: a cocoon, a straitjacket. I found them comforting: knowing they, at least, would hold me forever.

My thoughts hopped around the room, with heartbeats as delicate as those of winterbirds.

Oh, how silent the birds are, was the last thought to slip across my mind, as once more I slipped into a sea of uneasy sleep.

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{Though not what originally inspired this piece, I dedicate this post to the wee hours of the morning and my tendency to wake up during them and exist in an incoherent state, where I am technically awake, but still asleep in many ways.}


{Photo is the cover of Jesca Hoop's EP, Snowglobe.}

of 100th posts and stitches.

I just realized yesterday night that my last post was my 100th. I wish I could think of something exciting and different to do to celebrate that fact, but nothing is coming. (Funnily enough, I reached my 100th post on my music blog in December. I actually did do something different there which you can go listen to if you want to be tortured.)

What I will do, though is tell you about a strange even that happened last week! Last Wednesday, I was putting a dish in the refrigerator and it slipped and essentially broke in my hands. Long story short, I got a horrible gash in my pinky and had to get seven stitches. But I was very brave, according to my mother, and she bought me coffee afterwards (which I suppose is the adult equivalent of a lollipop). ;)
I have to wear a finger brace because I'm not supposed to bend it til this Saturday. I can't write by hand very well. I also can't play the piano. *sigh* Well, I can... kind of, but only select songs, and still not very well. I've finally mastered buttering toast/English muffins, though! Overall, it's been much more inconvenient than painful, thankfully.

Ah, yes - c'est moi modeling my lovely metal finger for you all. It's going to be the latest fashion, let me tell you. As is wearing the old nightgowns of one's mother, as I am in this picture. :P

This debacle has screwed with my brain, though. I had just gotten out of vacation mode, and then this this whole thing came along and left me in invalid mode, which is quite similar to vacation mode.
So, I'm not entirely sure if I'm out of the funk I was in at the time of my last post... I am still lacking passion about any number of things, but I have been feeling less at a loss with my writing, which is excellent.

So... yes. This is just a little update.

Carry on, then!